144. Well, this clown of ours not only took possession of the men’s apartments in the palaces but having wormed his way into the imperial gynaeconitis (women’s quarters) as well, he won the favour of both empresses. Indulging in all kinds of silly talk, he maintained he had been born of the elder sister. Further than that, he swore most solemnly that the younger sister, too, had given birth to a child. His own birth, said he, had taken place thus — and then, as if recalling how he had been brought into the world, he gave a description of her labour, with shameless details.
His most witty anecdotes, however, concerned Theodora’s accouchement, the conversations she had with her child during the pregnancy, and the manner of her delivery. These foolish women, captivated by the clown’s stories, allowed him to come and go as he pleased by secret doors. It would not be easy, indeed, to enumerate all the privileges that were showered on him, both in the men’s and women’s apartments in the palace.
145. For some time his foolery was confined merely to play-acting of this sort, but when the empress died (an event which I will describe shortly) the simpleton began to commit crimes, crimes which eventually caused great trouble. I will tell part of the story, but first I will anticipate my history by touching on a subject which will be dealt with later.
With any certainty
The emperor had a mistress,**130 a girl who was held as a hostage by us from a country of no great importance.**131 She was not distinguished in any way, but being of royal blood she was respected by the emperor and treated with great honour. Our clown conceived a deep love for this girl. Whether she returned his affection I cannot say with any certainty, but it appeared that the love was mutual. Maybe she moderated her passion, but in his case concealment became impossible — it was the only time his acting failed him.
Certainly he gazed at her quite brazenly and they met frequently. He was undoubtedly on fire with love. However, since it was beyond his power to master the affection, or win his beloved princess for himself, he made up his mind to become supreme ruler of the Roman Empire. The idea, of course, sounds absolutely absurd, and quite incredible, but he determined to carry it out. Perhaps he bad been influenced by the advice of ill-disposed persons, or maybe the plot originated in his own mind; I do not know, but, in any case, he thought his plan would be extremely easy to put into practice, for two reasons.
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