Many a time the emperor trusted me with secret despatches and ordered me to write them for him (he recognized my patriotism and my love for the Romans), suggesting that I should voluntarily humiliate himself and glorify the Egyptian. Nevertheless, I conveyed exactly the opposite impression by subtle allusion: what I wrote had one meaning for Constantine and another for the Sultan. I had sly digs at the latter and hurt his dignity without being too overt. And that is why letters to the Egyptian were in future dictated by Constantine himself, my own efforts being ambiguous.
Writing on states of bodily health, Hippocrates the Coan**l46 points out that when they have developed to their fullest extent, it is impossible for them to remain quiescent, owing to the constant changes going on in the body: they must, therefore, enter on a decline. Now Constantine did not suffer that experience himself, but he made his friends do so. He would quietly advance them to high office, then suddenly cast them down, his whole attitude completely altered. It is a fact, though, that some of them were reinstated in their former positions. It was all a gamble.
The Story of Psellus’s Tonsure
191. The story that I am about to tell will explain why I adopted the life of a monk. Most people have expressed astonishment that I should hurriedly abandon the brilliant reputation so painfully acquired, just at the moment when I had overcome the jealous machinations of my rivals, and turn to the Church.
The change was due partly to an innate desire which I had experienced from my earliest years, a deep love for the meditative life, and partly to the complete metamorphosis in political affairs. The emperor’s fickleness alarmed me. He was like a soldier in war, striking out at his foes indiscriminately. In order to trace the whole story, however, I will explain what happened from the very beginning.
192. Many persons had claims on my friendship, but two men in particular. They came from other countries and migrated to our magnificent capital. For these two I had the deepest affection.**147 The reason for our mutual attachment was an interest in learning. They were both much older than I, and lest I should be accused of perverting the truth, I must admit that, while they loved philosophy, I was more advanced in my studies.
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